How to Lose Relaxation - The Stress and Tension List

I asked friends to tell me of some of the behaviours and attitudes that made them feel stressed, tense or unhappy in the past. Things they could laugh about now and be happy to share. I did this to find common themes that we all successfully reversed, removed or replaced. This is a respectful, simplified and humorous list of the collated material.


People Have Unique Experiences - Sometimes Happy, Sometimes Sad
It's an unhappy, contemplative fact that many people in our world suffer. You can find statistics on numbers of people, countries, years and types of conditions including physical, social, political, psychological, economical and environmental. You may have experienced harsh conditions yourself or met with people who have. Maybe you are amazed by or respect your own and others tenacity for recovery or optimistic approach to life. I'm sure you can understand reasons for people's despair and depression due to their traumatic personal history.

Happily, there are many of us who have had few traumatic experiences in life. I believe we enjoy fruitful, healthy lives due to one or many of the following: stable society, education, adopted belief systems and lifestyles, parental upbringing, flexible approach to life, availability of work, respect and care for ourselves and others.


Anybody Can Experience Stress and Tension
However, there are people who have an uncanny ability to make themselves feel bad and worse. This can easily be done by thinking negative outcomes, events or repeating bad memories. Some people actively reduce their perception of themselves to 'bad and ruin'. In a quick period of time they can construct a 'bad' strategy to reduce their mental, emotional and physical health to the point of sickness.

I learnt for my own well being, that bad memories have no purpose beyond being a reminder of an earlier experience and 'guides' or compass points for future experiences. For example, if you've experienced any abusive relationship, you'll be aware of what others do to make you feel bad. There will probably be strong indicators of what you did to make yourself feel bad too. They are very useful examples of what to be aware of and even avoid in the future, for your own health and well being.


The Changeable, Removable Stress, Tension and Unhappiness List

• Find all those statements that make you feel discomfort and stress. Repeat them to yourself whenever you want to be tense and ill at ease.

• Go to places that you dislike, where you can do things you dislike but which other people say should be good for you.

• Talk often upon subjects that make you feel uninspired, uncreative and even miserable .

• Listen to music that makes you feel tense but others recommend because it's hip or required listening for your lifestyle.

• On a daily basis, read articles that depress you and cause you to reflect on the sadness and despair in the world.

• Regularly watch programs depicting violence, despair, depression just to make sure you are feeding your bleakest outlook on the world around you.

• Constantly compare yourself to others you regard as more successful, intelligent, attractive or generally superior to you.
  

• Think of memories where you suffered great emotional upset, like the break up of a long term relationship or collapse of a business. Do this repeatedly until you feel bad and consider visiting the doctor because you think you are depressed.

• Adopt a lifestyle in which you are in constant competition to achieve an idealised self or state of success. Key themes you may find great difficulty in: competition to be more attractive and accepted; improve yourself or conform to an others standard; persist in trying to drag yourself to the unrealistic goals you've set.

• Spend money. Spend lots of it to camouflage your unhappiness. Throw it away on items that convince you you're achieving happiness or the same status as your idol. Alternatively, convince yourself that lavish consumption is commensurate with 'successful' behaviour and buy, buy, buy. Also remember: shopping is retail therapy.

• Be dishonest with yourself. Set yourself goals that are in contradiction to your real and heartfelt wants and needs. Don't sit down to notice what you really feel and think about your needs in life. Never write it down. Ignore it for best ill effects.

• Set yourself a target to think about all the bad things that can happen in you life. Connect them in any bizarre way to any remote experience in your memory. Repeat frequently for disastrous effects on a daily basis.

A heartfelt thank you to those who shared their personal past as a contribution to this post.


Thanks for reading.
Jens

Stepping Into The Talent of Your Role Model

Finding the skills you need from the talent you admire
This article offers you a practical and unusual way of recognising and learning some of the skills from someone you admire. It may help you overcome doubt, fear and even encourage problem solving. It has certainly helped me. I recommend using it together with real-world practices as it may accelerate your use of any gains made.

This post blossomed from an evening’s food and conversation with friends and their children. I realised that kids can give fantastic insights into how we adults can change our beliefs and positively change our behaviour.

Children and young adults will sometimes associate deeply with certain characters or celebrities and take on some of their characteristics. This may include a fashion and music style, mannerisms of speech or body posture and even a person’s attitude toward life. I suddenly remembered that this is an excellent way to explore how another’s skills or talents may be suited to you as well. It’s been used by a few self help teachers in the past and for good reason, as I’m sure you’ll discover.


Taking yourself into the Talent
The following technique is great to use when combined with your real-world learning of skills. It may help accelerate the use of that knowledge as I believe there is no substitute for real-world learning. As you know, we all share similar attributes of speech, thought, feelings and physical expression. We all know the wonderful benefits to be gained from our imaginations when we intend them for practical use.

Begin by sitting comfortably and reading the exercise below. Then go through it step by step and enjoy!

The 3 key attributes to gather for yourself are:
1. Skills
2. Confidence
3. Relaxation

• Find someone whose skills or performance you will like to experience as your own. This may be a prominent public speaker like Barack Obama, Tony Robbins or Oprah Winfrey or any other accomplished person.
  

• Take time in observing how they do, what they do. Study them on YouTube, Television, DVD or real life if you have the opportunity.

• Relax whilst watching them. Absorb their movements, sounds and the feelings you get from the flow of their performance. Enjoy becoming very familiar with the way they perform.

• Close your eyes and imagine them performing again. You can create any scenario you like. See them vividly going through their excellent routines.
  

• Hear clearly what they say and more importantly, the ease and skill with which they say it. Feel throughout your body their confidence and assuring presence.

• Mentally move around this person and watch them from different places. Decide which position feels best to appreciate and incorporate their talents for your own use.

• Gently move into your image of the person. Pretend you are seeing through their eyes, hearing through their ears and enjoying their feelings. Make this your experience of their excellence.
  

• Notice everything that is useful and positive about their excellent way of doing what they do.

• Feel as much as you can from using their talents and have fun in repeating this for familiarity.

• Gently move out from your role models’ body, having recorded their skills, assured relaxation and confidence for your own use.

• Move your body gently and open your eyes slowly. Take some moments to relax further and be more aware of your own unique self. Then stand up, walk around and recall what you discovered.

• When the first real life opportunity presents itself to you, practice your newly combined skills.

Remember to combine this technique with real-world learning of skills to help accelerate the use of that knowledge. I recommend you repeat this technique often to help you overcome doubt or fears. Use whenever it’s appropriate and useful to you. Change to suit your own wants and needs. It’s best practiced when you’re happy and comfortable to do so.


With your newly absorbed skills, imagine yourself doing the things you will like. Then ask yourself the following:

• How much more relaxed do I feel?

• How much more confident do I sound?

• How much more assuredly do I move?

• How much more comfortable am I when expressing my new behaviour?

This tool is all about relaxing, going inside and noticing new things and ‘realities’ for absorbing what is useful for you.
Taking a role model that you admire and enjoy watching is best. For ease of use, choose a person whose talents you can easily recognize. Notice how you can apply their talents to benefit you. Then discover your own unique expression with them. Wishing you the very best.

What were your experiences from using the technique?
Do you think this tool is useful to you?
Please let me know.

Thanks for reading
Jens


Thank you BT and VT for your inspiring examples.

Creating Pleasure from Leisure

Leisure and pleasure are two nouns that sit beautifully together. They even sound 'sensation'-al when you say them. If leisure is the freedom from time-consuming responsibilities, I'm curious as to what people do. What activities or hobbies help us feel refreshed, relaxed, energized, excited or relieved? In this article I offer an attitude to activities for pleasure.


'Imagination grows by exercise, and contrary to common belief, is more powerful in the mature than in the young.' Paul McCartney
Some people and you may know a few, don’t do recreational, leisure activities or hobbies. They have ‘interests,’ ‘pursuits’or ‘occupations’. I don’t share a serious attitude toward my activities. Actually, I do because I believe they are for pleasure and I’m quite ’serious’ about that.

I was chatting to a friend during the weekend and they declared “ I haven’t got time to spend on a hobby ” after telling me all about their busy but incredibly unproductive week. I replied
“ hobbies don’t have to cost anything only a small amount of your time and the value is the pleasure you get.” I thought it was a smart reply. I even gave myself a congratulatory pat on the back.

More importantly, it caused me to reflect upon how I regard exploring new activities for pleasure. In the past, I didn't always indulge in a hobby because I would think “It’ll take ages to learn or be good at that.” That was the simple ‘red light‘ statement that stopped me from discovery. What a good way to deny yourself pleasure from expressing creativity and having little adventures. So I missed the point and pleasure of some things. Thankfully the past is where it should be. Behind me.


‘Any activity first begun has only the value you place upon it.’ Anon
Now, I regard leisure as fun, ‘light’ occassions that express what you desire and how you express yourself in the moment. Some people's hobbies have longevity and aims, some have wide reaching social goals and consequences, others are rewarding for their immediacy and the short term. Some you may even think frivolous.

However you consider hobbies, you’ll find they share this common attribute:
They are play-things for your imagination and an expression for your creativity. They are either immediate for pleasure or later for another profit.

To misquote Napoleon Hill: ‘Do not wait. Start with whatever tools you have at hand.'

The 'tools at hand' are you and your creative imagination. Whatever hobby you have from abseiling to reading and writing, somehow, somewhere you are engaging your mind and body in sensations from which you expect great feelings of well being. That’s the reward you expect from listening to your latest music download to completing your first triathlon.


Many opportunities are at hand to discover pleasures for your leisure.

• Walking for relaxation and exploring new places.
  
• Reading and listening to audio books
• Singing
• Meditation
• Drawing, sketching anything. Doodling.
• Exercising
• Blogging
• Restoring old vehicles
• Playing an instrument
• Exploring techniques for your well being
• Twittering
• Listening to music
• Cooking with new ingredients and styles
• Learning to skate
• Watching foreign movies
• Quilt making
• Learning a second language
• Living life in whatever way you choose
• Travelling
  

For me, it’s all about manifesting my creativity in any way, at any time I choose. I can be inspired and excited by music and I’m sure you know how that feels. Reading a book can be the cause of reflection and the inspiration for a blog article. Walking and exploring new places can bring opportunities to meet new people.


The goals of my leisure are:
1. Pleasure
2. Creativity
3. Benefits to my health

Remind yourself that leisure activities and hobbies can be simple, enjoyable, time-effective, relaxing and fun. Those may be the only goals you need to begin. By changing a routine and doing the simplest activity, can positively alter your mood and change your day for the better.

What are your favourite spare time activities? Do you have the time for leisure?

'Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and follow where they lead.'
Louisa May Alcott


Thank you D for helping inspire this post. What a star!

Thanks for reading
Jens